So my friends are throwing me a Hate Thomas Party (My ex). He treated me like shit. The thing is I don't hate Thomas. The only funny part is every time anyone was ever mad at him he used to walk away and say "I'll leave you to your hate Thomas party". So I think it might be funny. My friends HATE Thomas though.
     Like on Valentines day. He sent me a text saying he wouldn't be able to spend Valentines day with me because he was driving half an hour back home to do his taxes. I told my friend Kaitlin, and at the end of the day I'm walking with Kaitlin to her locker and I see out of the corner of my eye Thomas, talking to the art teacher. I keep walking and a few minutes later Thomas walks down the hall and stands next to me. Now while I had gotten over the fact that he hadn't been planning on spending Valentines day with me, and had sent me absolutley nothing, Kaitlin hadn't. He starts talking and then notices that Kaitlin isn't participating the the conversation. He asks me "are you ok? Are you mad at me?" I say no I'm not mad. Then he looks at Kaitlin "Are YOU mad at me?" . . . "Yes! You can't spend Valentines day with your girlfriend because you have to do your taxes?!?!?!" and he says " Oh well I"m gonna go then. I'll leave you guys to your hate Thomas party" and Kaitlin says "Yeah you should come. They're the best. We have cake." (lol) and he walks off. I chase after him and tell him "hey cheer up babe. Everything's ok. There is no hate Thomas party." Then I hold his chin for a second and tell him I will see him later. Well I spent Valentines day crying in Kaitlin's room cuz Thomas kept yelling at me and called me after school telling me he didn't want to spend Valentine's day with me.

So Saturday I spent an amazing day with Justin. He treats me so well, and he really likes me. He has been waiting for me since January when I was still dating Thomas, and he is still waiting me after Thomas and I have been broken up for a month. He is waiting for me to move on and get back on the horse.

My car broke down, so Justin came and got me then he took me down to Sandy Hook where we drove through the flooded streets, and walked the train tracks. It was amazing. Then we went back to his place and goofed off for a while. We ended up just spooning on the couch and had a really deep conversation.

Then JR and Kaitlin picked me up to bring me to the party. I get next to no signal, one bar IF I'M LUCKY where this party is, so the cops busted it before we even got there, but lucky I brought a trunk full of alcohol so we were able to continue on with it when I got there. So around 3:00am amazingly I get a text message, from my ex (It's confusing but I still like him)
Thomas.
-Hey are you ok.

so I go somewhere with signal so I can text them back and they start coming to my phone like no other.

-I m drivin
-Where are you
-Sleep with me
-Come on me please
-Cassey come over
-Cassey please
-Cassey come over...Spend the night.!
-Cassey where are you! Please come over im gettin scared
-Cassey please come over! Please

So I called him, and he was able to talk me into coming over. Since I was in the middle of fucking nowhere it took me a while to get someone to bring me back into town and I couldn't tell anyone where I was going because I was with a bunch of guys who are really protective of me and they hate Thomas because of how much he hurt me. If they knew what was going on. Thomas would have gotten his ass kicked instead.
Sooooo the texts to his house

-Where are you
          - On my way. It took me a few minutes to find someone sober enough to drive me.
-Come over ill be upstairs
          - That's only if I can get them to drop me off at your house.He would kick your ass. He doesn't know where I live so I'm just
              gonna tell him your house is  mine
-Yeah... Oh well don't let them in! Who IS it?
          - Brent and Josh
-Wen you get here lock the door undress come upstairs and mount me
- Get here now!
- I want to try it doggy style... or in the buttox
- Take advantage of me ! Use me
- Ok just get over here and fuck my brains out
          - No doggy style. We tried that once and I didn't like it
- No try it again
           - I don't want to. What has gotten into you. You're never like this.
- A bit of alcohol and a lot of build up
           - build up?
-Yes come in my balls is over flowing and I cum in my sheets daily (Ok I'm not gonna lie. That is too much.)
           - Wow. Ok
- No please just hurry where are you
           - I'm on my way
-Where are you
          - I just got back in town
-Can I stik it in you fine buttocks? You didn't say no to that! I'll suck you dry if you do the same to me. (I did too say no to that)
          - no doggy style
          -I'm going to walk in the door and lock it behind me. Then I'm going to strip the whole way. When I see you I'm going to kiss you
           ever so lightly. I'm going to kiss your neck and then I'm going to touch you, only very lightly. I am going to make you love me and
           I am going to make you hate me. Then I am going to make you beg for it. (I figured I'd play with his head. Drive him crazy)
- Oh my god yes!
- Please cassey where are you
          - gimme 10 min
-5 min or its doggy style
         - ok 5
-be here
          -Well maybe I just won't come at all
-No please cum! Please! Cum all over me! I want your juice to squirt onto me or in my  mouth




lol then I was there





Story summed up. I spend the whole day with a wonderful guy, then with guys who do their best to protect me, but I lie so I can hurt myself. I have people who love me so much and try to protect me from myself and others and I just won't let them. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!

So yeah it's about 3:30 in the morning. I just got home from sleeping with my ex about an hour and a half ago. We've been talking about getting back together, and I thought we still loved eachother so I figured it wasn't a big deal. As soon as we were done he picked up his phone and started texting. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was texting Jennie, that he was having fun flirting with her, and that she said she had wished he had kissed her when they were talking earlier. Jennie works for his mom. She is 16. Thomas is 19. I guess the age thing doesn't so much piss me off as the fact that I'm still in love with him and he says he doesn't want to date me. I just can't sleep. I can get it off my mind. He swears to god he isn't leading me on and that he wants to get back together very soon, but the thing is we never hang out anymore. I almost want to make him fall in love with me just so I can say that I'm not ready to get back with him, then I'll talk about all the guys that like me. How can I do it? Should I set up little dates and stuff for a few weeks then just stop? Make him wonder what happened? I really need to get even with this asshole somehow, or at least make him stop with these games.

Yeah so if I'm lucky I'll graduate this year, =(. This weekend wasn't too bad though. We had TONS of fun. Dake was SUPPOSED to come with me Kaitlin, and Seth to go see Prom Night last night, but he didn't =(. I think he was just scared of feeling out of place since he doesn't usually hang with our group and since he would be the youngest, him being a Jr. me and Kaitlin being Sr.'s and Seth being a freshman in college, but it was SO MUCH FUN! After the movie we drove around shooting bottle rockets from Seth's car, then we hung out at Kaitlin's for a while afterwards. Check it out lmao  http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons. ytmnd. com/  .Lol when I went to leave Seth jumped on the front of my car so I decided to take him for a little ride. IT WAS SO FUNNY lol. He was holding on for dear life because I kept going fast, then breaking, then sharp turns. That reminds me Kaitlin and I showed him this road that's just plain fun to drive fast Seth agreed to bring me those wine coolers I wanted. I needed a drink BAD today because they called me into work WAY earlier than I was supposed to go in and I ended up staying MUCH later too. I'm working full time hours now, which ISN'T easy since I also go to school full time and am picking up some extra online credits. I really needed last night. Without it I don't think I would have been able to make it though to day (That an a "Big Can of Whoop Ass" Energy drink). I've become addicted to energy drinks. I like to drink them really fast and since I'm so small, they really affect me. There's something great about shaking and bouncing off the walls and being rediculiously happy and energetic.

I went with Dake to get his tux today and then I went to River City to order the flowers for me and Thomas. Dake FINALLY got a date and he is lucky too since he JUST ASKED HER YESTERDAY. Just so yall know prom is next weekend. Anyways I also made the reservations at Bighams today too. Why do I feel like I'm doing everything? There are NINE people in our group and so far I have arranged the hotel room for the girls to get ready in beforehand. I arranged for the girls to get their hair done for free (I know peoples). I arranged the photography (once again I know peoples). I made the reservations, and planned everything we were doing before hand. I am even hosting the post prom party at the hotel. With me and Thomas I helped him pick out what he was gonna wear and I ordered my own flowers (please fill in date here). For other people I have helped pick out 4 prom dresses and 3 tuxs.  AHHH! and after all my work it's all just gonna be average, nothing special. Not to mention CATO LOST MY FUCKING PAYCHECK! and I still gotta get my nails done and I wanna get a garter and I like to have enough money on me to pay for all my own stuff if heaven forbid something happens with my date (always been like that but never needed it) I just don't like to be dependent on men. I also need to go tanning and buy new makeup. PROM IS A WEEK AWAY! Not to mention things are still unstable with my boyfriend/ date (I am really confused in the relationship still, especially after the talk we had a few days ago. I might not let on but I continue to think about that stuff for a LONG time. Hell I don't think I'm even over our first fight yet. I don't think I'm over him ditching me WAY back before we were going out).

Thomas braught me to his family's house yesterday. On the way out there he pointed out all kinds of stuff and we actually talked. It has been so long since we've been able to talk. It really wasn't anything all that serious just stories but it was SO nice. Then on the way back he taught me to drive stick. SO COOL. . He told me about this local band and let me listen to them and they aren't bad at all. He's gonna let me borrow that CD. Then when he was teaching me to drive stick he turned on The Buzz, even though he hates it and Ludo came on which he really hates but he kept it on anyways just because I liked it. It was SO sweet.

Today we went to get his stuff for prom. IT ISN'T FAIR. I SPENT MORE THAN $200 ON MY DRESS! He already has everything. GRRR! lol. We were looking at suits too while we were at the mall. WE SAW A FUCKING $800 SUIT! ARE YOU CRAZY!!!

Twin day went pretty well at school today too. It was kinda funny, and we got our pictures taken for the yearbook and everything. When Kaitlin and I went to go show Thomas at Slackers he seemed pretty distant. I was kinda wondering what was up with that but I didn't make a big deal about it.

I'm re-doing all my facebook and myspace stuff too, and I downloaded a bunch of new songs only to remember my ipod cord is at my dads. 

Well it's going on 10:00pm and  even though I don't feel tired in the least, I have school and work tomorrow so I better get some sleep, not to mention my thoughts are starting to jump all over the place.

peace out
 ~Still Confused Cassey~ 

Yesterday I decided to go out and do some photography. I got myself good and lost. It was pretty cool though. I was able to get REALLY close to these swans on a pond. IT WAS AMAZING as I was walking and making my way back to my car I found a skull. I think it was a deer skull or something because I know I have see that kind before, but I really wanted to paint it, for some weird reason I think it would be really cool, sorta go with a Mexican theme. I just need to wash it to get all the dirt and stuff off. Is it weird that I have a skull in my passenger side seat next to my Mt. Dew?

I finished Across the Universe yesterday too. I really liked it. It was such a sweet story.

Kaitlin and I have all our things together for twin day at school tomorrow too. It's gonna be fun. We already had matching shoes, and black glasses, but now we also have matching earrings, for the bottom holes only though cuz we don't have matching piercings lol (I have two lobe piercings in each ear, and a 16g cartilage piercing in my left ear [and a belly ring] and Kaitlin has single piercings in each ear and two cartilage piercings, a16g and a 14g in her right cartilage.) I'll post pics though. It will be fun

So well Prom is coming up. I have a lot of stuff planned out. Our group has now grown to 9 people, which should be fun, and my step-mom is taking pics, a bunch of the girls in our group are getting ready at the hotel together, and then the guys are coming to pick us up and then we are gonna take pics and go to Chili's. Rachel said she would make sweets and stuff for us afterwards if I wanted and I am gonna get some alcohol to spike any of my drinks. Hello it's prom night. I have no intention of staying sober. When everyone leaves my hotel room has a jacuzi tub that I'm excited to use. I've got just about everything figured out, thank god!, well I'm gonna go jump in the shower. Chau to all!

Yesterday was both good and bad, but it gave me little hope for any future relationship with Thomas. Earlier that day I had told him that I wanted to go on a mini road trip, and that I wished I could do that sorta stuff with him, and he's like "are you asking me on a date?" and we joke around and he says he's busy next weekend. Then he says no that going on a long trip wouldn't be a good idea because we wouldn't have anything to talk about since we don't have anything in common. Then he fell asleep and I went into the other room to think. If we don't have anything in common and can't even hold a conversation then why are we together. I mean sometimes it seems like I spend more time upset in the relationship than actually happy, and all I could think about it how he and Liz had lots in common and could talk forever, and I wish I had that with him. If I did then this relationship would be a breeze. So I go wake Thomas up and ask him to name one thing that he liked about me. He said my persistance. Later when I came back over we both ended up crying and asking what was pushing this relationship forward. I asked him if I could make him happy and he said he just didn't know. He admitted that I was exactly the same as I had always been but he had chanced. When I aske.him if he would be happier if I just let him go find someone he had more in common with he just started shaking his head in my shoulder and crying and said "please don't" then he said "you would really let go just like that" and I told him yes, That when you love somebody you care more about them than yourself and you want to do what's best for them even if it hurts you. I told Thomas about how I hate never being included in anything. I'm stuck in the part of his life that he hates, and Liz gets to be in the part of his life that he loves, and I actually started crying over that. I just REALLY want to be included.

You know I really don't think my boyfriend loves me. He is always saying he is, and I do believe that he thinks he loves me, but I don't think he really does. I think he loves the idea of me. Yesterday he told me that what he loved about me was that I was "so cool with everything" that I wasn't "the ball and chain like Dean and Samantha" but you see I wanna be more like Dean and Samantha. They are both so happy. I love Thomas so much which is why I don't make a big deal when he chooses to hang out with his friends, but he ALWAYS chooses to hang out with his friends over me. Can't it be like 50% 50%. Why do I always gotta give him up, but the thing is I don't want him to be with me if he doesn't want to be with me. Take today for example. He asked me to call him when he got off work, so I did. We talk for a little while, and we both talk about how we are bored. Then he says "Well I think I'm just gonna call up Sam and see if he wants to do something. I'll call you back if he doesn't and I'm still bored enough" That hurt but you know what I said "Oh, Okay babe, Wow you sure know how to make a girl feel good, but yeah I'll talk to you later" but I said it all with the smile on my face that you can hear over the phone. Then when he hung up I sat there depressed. Is that all I am? Just to be there when he's bored? When he doesn't have anything better to do? He always does this, and it hurts like hell. Last night he asked me "Cassey am I a bad boyfriend, because soemtimes I feel like I am" Well what am I supposed to tell him? Yes he is? No no no. I love him way too much, and he isn't a bad person. I guess he isn't a bad boyfriend. He just, well he isn't a good one. He hurts me so much and he doesn't even know it. I don't think he really loves me. If he loved me he would have asked me to come over instead of calling Sam and asking him. He would have wanted to see me, and wanted to be with me, and I can't get mad at him for not wanting somthing because you can't control what you want, just what you do. He loves the idea of me. The feedom I give him. He can ignore me all day, and he can hurt me every moment, but he always has someone to run to. Someone who will make it better, but I guess that's love isn't it? A totally slefless emotion. Caring more about the other person than you do yourself. I care more about Thomas' happieness than I do my own. I'm glad that this makes him happy. I am miserable like this, but I love him too much to let him go. I love him more than I love myself. This is why love stinks. This is why love stinks, because when one person falls and the other doesn't one person is giving their 100% to the other and not getting more than 10% back, and 10% can't make a happy person, all it can make is the empty shell.  

Well lets see Thomas and I got in yet another fight last weekend because he insisted I was cheating on him, then he and Kevin got drunk and started heading to Alabama (we are in Missouri) I have no idea why the fuck they choose Alabama and neither do they, but I got so upset because he wouldn't answer his phone he would only do texting, (which was majorly retarded) but I begged him to come back and to talk to me, but he refused so I spent from 2:00am until 4:00am just sitting on his front porch crying my eyes out, and begging him to come home until eventually there was no answer from him of any kind. Then I went home, where I had had a party, that Thomas was totally invited to, (he didn't come) but was pissed because I let some guys crash there, so I must be fucking them right. Well when I got home I went to my room, where Brittany and I were sharing a bed for the night, (she crashed there too), and I just started crying again. I cried until I made myself sick, and Brittany stayed up with me, taking care of me, from 4:00am until 8:00am when I decided I couldn't see those guys that Thomas thought I was sleeping with. So Brittany and I got in my car and we drove over to my dads house, leaving three guys passed out in my basement. I start getting texts again saying he was sooooo sorry and didn't deserve my forgiveness, but all I wanted was to talk on the phone with him, but he said no. I told him that he had really upset me and he said that's why he couldn't talk to me. He couldn't stand to hear how he upset me, so in other words he couldn't deal with the consequences of his actions. Well I had planned the day with Areal, and Katlin, and we let Brittany come a long too. We went shopping for homecoming, we went to snow biz, and then Brittany, Katlin, and I went back to play on Katlin's  wii. Well all I could think about all day was Thomas, despite my friends efforts to get my mind off of him, so after we left Katlin's house I dropped Brittany off and headed to my boyfriends house where I found him staring at a TV with absolutely no emotion. He admitted to me that he hadn't been watching this movie for an hour and a half,  that he had just been thinking. Well we made up, but I still don't think he trusts me. My solution was to chase most of my guy friends away, and honestly if that helps me to keep Thomas it will have been worth it.

lets jump to yesterday. It was our two month anniversary. He forgot. I kept sending him text messages because I was kinda uh well I uh wanted to uh see him. lol, anyway. He invites me over, but is kinda surprised, because it is so not like me to be so forward, but Sam is at his house, which kinda sucks. Thomas is like "the doors down stairs lock" but dude. I'm not gonna fuck him while Sam is there. He would come looking for us, and hear us or something. Well Sam leaves around 11:30pm, lol, as soon as Thomas and I hear the door shut we, well we aren't playing guitar hero anymore, lol. Anyway Thomas and I are talking and he's like "what brought this on" and I'm like "idk but don't get used to it, I'm not usually that forward" and he's like "why, It really got me going. It was hot" and I'm like "because if i put myself out there like that I am only putting myself out there to get rejected" and he says "Well baby that is nothing you have to worry about. I promise that if you are ever in this uh mood, I will never reject you. I will leave wherever I am and I will come to you" lol, I'm not sure if that is the truth or not. Then later he told me that I could come by anytime I wanted. All I had to do was call ahead, but then just before I leave at 1:00am he says something kinda like an asshole and tells me that he doesn't want me staying till midnight anymore, that it's so hard for him to get up for work in the morning when I do. Well I know for a fact that he doesn't work today but is going to Columbia at around noon, and then he picks up the guitar for guitar heroes again and plays, so yeah I'm the one keeping him up. Well since he works so much and goes to school that is basically the only time I get to see him. I wonder if he realizes that, that will cut sex out of our entire relationship. Oh and he never said a single thing about it being our two month. I read through this and I wonder why I am so head over heals crazy in love with this guy.

Today I am going to get my shoes and jewelry for homecoming. Brittany's homecoming was last night (she goes to public school) but she had a blast, lol two of my siblings went to homecoming last night yet I was out the latest

uh yeah yesterday,
I got a text from Thomas in the morning "we need to talk". It scared me so bad. I thought he was gonna break up with me. I told him I wasn't ready for the day yet and that I would be at his place in an hour and he's like okay. Well half an hour later I get a text that says "forget it. Don't bother" So I call him and he sounds like he had been crying. I asked him if I was something I had done and he said that it was, but he was acting like he really didn't want to tell me, but I pushed anyway and he finally said that it was a blog that I had posted. I get to his place and and still on the phone with him
Me: "I'm here"
him: "okay"
me: "is the door unlocked?"
him: "no"
me: "well can you unlock it for me?"
him: "no"
me: "why? are you even here?"
him: "I don't know, am I here?"
so I get out of my car and walk around back to see if his car is there, yep it is and there he is sitting in it. He's like "why are you trying so hard to make us work?" Okay now I'm getting really scared, and I'm still kinda lost. We ended up talking for a long time. Turns out he had seen the following blog. I'll include his comment.

September 19, 2007 - Wednesday

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life Current mood: contemplative Yesterday sucked. Don't ask me to explain it again. Today sucked. Don't ask me to explain it at all. The future isn't too hopeful since I always make the same mistakes again and again. It's like I never learn. I always say "but tomorrow will be better" but sometimes I wonder if that's true. I mean I know I can make tomorrow better. I can fix it, but will I? Or will I make the same mistakes again, or will I focus so hard on making things better that I forget to live. I just have to remember not to worry. I can fix it. I can make it better. I always try so hard to do that for other people. I always try to fix it and make it better. Sometimes I just wish someone was there for me though. To pick me up and tell me they will make it better, and everything will be okay, but I don't need it. I have me, and so does everyone else. I can pick me up. I can be my everything, and the best part is I can never let me down. Even in death I will have me. 3:14 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

El Duderino

well its good to see that i'm nothing...apparently i'm a fucking nobody.. cool thanks much appreciated Posted by El Duderino on September 22, 2007 - Saturday at 10:07 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

Then he said I was acting really weird. That I would have normally kissed him before we even got out of the car, before we even went inside. Now I think he thinks I'm cheating on him, because he always makes sarcastic comments about me going to see my other boyfriends, just because I hang out with other guys. I can have guys who are friends and not be attracted to them, and when I tried to explain this to him he's like "now I do have to worry because you are getting so defencive about it, and now you are getting nervous and jittery" I'M NOT CHEATING ON HIM. I love Thomas, and I would never want to cheat on him. Well anyway he invited me to go to see Halloween with him later and his friends later. Then he took me down to his parents farm, which he has to take care of while they are in N. Carolina, and on the way back Sam called and said he didn't want to go. So Bryan, Sam, and John all baled on us, so It was just me and Thomas, and Patrick, and his boyfriend who I can't remember the name for the life of me.

Well dad and Rachel had people over for a poker party last night, but I didn't get to see anyone because I was out with Thomas until midnight. We passed up the house once and just kept driving, so we went down the road to JCMG parking lot, which was very well lit and a very bad place to fool around, but we only had like 10 min anyway. AND I WILL GET THOMAS BACK for teasing me/ What an ass hole, but yeah were back to normal, so I guess all's well that ends well

The night before last Thomas told me that I was spoiled. He didn't say it in a bad or mean way, but he said it like he meant it. Then yesterday he helped me babysit my little brother Joe while mom went to Brian's parent teacher meeting.
I woke up to a phone call from my mom last night. When I answered the phone she told me that she had been thinking that night about me, and decided that she wants to give up all partental and custody rights of me. That she doesn't want me anymore. Her words not mine. She says she can't handle a teenage girl, that I don't tell her I love her enough, and that I don't help out around the house enough. Well I actually thought yesterday went very well. I mean she actually told me she loved me after I was finished watching my brother Joe while she was at Brians parent teacher meetings. Her telling me she loved me actually surprised the shit outta me, but I decided not to make too big of a deal out of it, and I told her I loved her back. How is it that one afternoon she says she loves me and then that very same night she tells me that she doesn't want me anymore? I honestly think it had something to do with Thomas being there. I wish he could see the way she usually acts, but it doesn't even matter because nothing anyone can say can make this right. I haven't told hardly anyone about this either. Only Ellie, and Fiona, and I don't even know why I told Ellie. I mean I really like Ellie, but we don't talk that much and I just kinda blerted it out, but I guess that's because it was all I could think about just about all day, and she asked me what was wrong. I probably will just try to fix it though. I can fix it like I do everything. She will keep me there, because at my dad's I have hardly any freedom at all. I just always thought a mothers love was unconditonal. That is what I was always told, but I guess not. I guess I've been lied to so many timed I don't know how to pick out the truth anymore. Oh forget it. I'm numb. I'm dead. I don't care.
I am unloved. I am a spoiled brat, but I don't care anymore, because I am numb and all I need is the blade that's under my matress and my armbands.

So I'm really tired right now so I'm gonna make this one short but to break down my day.

1. Forgot my book bag at home this morning which means missing assignments
2. got assigned to write a "why I'm abstinent 'till marriage" article for a nationwide mag. by the woman I volunteer for in christian service aka Thomas mom (So I gotta write an article for the mother of the guy I'm sleeping with about why I'm abstinent... I- ron- ic)
3. I got a flat tire and wasted a good chunk of my day on that 
4. My spare tire was also flat and needed air.
5. My Step-mom noticed my hickey when I had my hair pulled back and all my makeup sweat off from changing the tire.
6. I started feeling sick at dinner
7. Thomas asked me to bring him a pizza to slackers, and then when I got there it's like 'thanks that's all I wanted
8. I have to finish my booklet for the ACT
9. I had to borrow money so now I owe money (given it's only $5 but I don't like it)
10. I am sooo tired

This is my life. Goodbye. I'm going to bed. My life can wait for morning.

It's like they are always trying to keep me away from my sweetie. I mean I am 17. I am going to be a legal adult before they know it, yet I have to fight so hard just to see him, as if my seeing him is a terrable thing. I mean it isn't my fault that my parent's love lives suck. They aren't in love like I am. They were at one point in time, but now everything has become ritual with them. There is no spark anymore, so they are the last people I would turn to for guidence. I don't want to end up like them. They are always so unhappy, but last night was mine and Thomas'  6 week. I mean I have never celebrated the 6 week before, and this wasn't anything that special but I thought it was amazing. He got off work at 9:00pm and I had permission to be out 'till 12:00am. We ordered some Chinese and then started watching this sweet romantic little movie that he baught just so he could watch it with me. Then a buddy of his that he hadn't seen in months called and wanted to stop by, and he told him no that is was his and his girls night. AWWWW major brownie points Thomas! Well I ended up falling asleep on him. I really really tried to stay awake but I just couldn't, and I wish I had been able to watch the movie, because Thomas said that it was really good and it made him cry when I left. AWW, yeah Thomas cries, but it isn't in like that wimpy way, more like in the sweet sensitive way, anyway mom called at 11:15 and left a message. I wish I could put the tone with the entrie because then you might get it " You better get home now! I am not comfortable with you coming home later than 11:30" We had discussed this earlier!!! It nearly made me cry since I was just waking up and I realized that I had spent most of the precious little time I had with Thomas, asleep. When I got home she was fucking sleeping! She wouldn't have even noticed me being out later! Well on the way home I had called her, and tried to discuss that I was supposed to be alowed out until midnight and SHE HUNG UP ON ME! That is her thing. She ALWAYS hangs up on people. It's really gay. Well I gotta go to school and don't have time to spell check this thing, so excuse the errors.

I can't believe I didn't see that was what was going on. I mean I read men are from Mars and women are from Venus and it said that this would happen. lol, anyway we are better than ever. Three days off was exactly what we needed. My baby updated his myspace. My favorite part is


El Duderino's Interests

General	well i pretty much LOVE CASSEY MORE THAN LIVE ITSELF!!!! GET OVER IT i like music...hands down all music. Classical, symphony, orcistral, jazz, blues, contemporary rock, rock 'n roll, metal, death metal, emo, punk, rap, country...did i leave anything out..but my top favs are mainly metal, rock, screamo, and punk...in that order. so any ways...oh and i love to help people....my god nothing makes me feel better so please if you need anything just drop me a line...oh and i love to draw...i think that sums up that...
Music	Slipknot Elefant Of Montreal The Mars Volta Tool Fleetwood Mac Cake Blur A Perfect Circle The Beetles Live Bare Naked Ladies Cradle Of Filth Motley Crue Smashing Pumpkins Hellogoodbye Senses Fail The Red Jumpsuit apparatus Ok Go The White Stripes and the Racuenteers In Flames ICP and so much more stuffhighlightInterests
Movies	Fight Club V for Vendetta Down In The Valley American History X Garden State The Presteige Robin Hood Men in Tights A Scanner Darkly Less Than Zero Donnie Darko 12 Monkeys Employee of the Month (with Matt Dillon and Steve Zahn) Boondock Saints Domino Requiem For a Dream Dogma

Well obviously "general" is my favorite part.

I got caught sneaking out the other night.Well actually everyone in my house was fighting at like 10:00pm so I decided to sneak out and go to Thomas' house even though it was painfully obvious he didn't want me there and was just being polite by letting me come over. So anyway I'm there for like 15 min and my dad calls "where are you?! Get your ass home" So I pull up and am heading to the side door which is the one I sneak out of all the time. Then I see dad open the front door and look at me and then go back inside so I'm like ok I'll go through that door I get up there and the door is locked so I'm like ok lets see if the other doors are locked too if so I'll just go and sleep at Thomas' house, I mean I have a key to that fucking house but if they are intentionally locking me out then that's fine by me I have at least 4 other places that all i would have to do is make a phone call and then I could stay there for as long as i wanted. I think dad realized that when he opened the door for the second time and unlocked it. So i go inside and there is no yelling or anything like I expected. He just took my keys for a whole day. o.o like it mattered because Rachel was driving me and Brittany up to columbia the next day so we could go dress shopping for homecoming. So it didn't make any difference at all really. Anyway he made me sit there with him in the living room for an hour, which also wasn't much of a punishment because all we did was make small talk. So dad said he is gonna start taking my keys at night but I know he is gonna forget, and Rachel said he came downstairs twice the other night to make sure I was still there, but I sleep with my door locked and I would have heard if he picked the lock to come in and check on me. If Thomas was really gonna come and pick me up like dad believes he is gonna do it would still be incredaeasy for me to sneak out, but I'm gonna wait about well at least two weeks before if I sneak out again. It could actually have possibly been the best thing for our relationship because here recently I have just been sneaking over at night and it gives me the feeling that all he wants is sex, well if I don't do that anymore maybe he will want to hang out with me during the day again. I want him to chase me the way he used to. I think if I start turning him down again then he will chase me like he used to. Well I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna try not being so available it's all I can think of to make this work and I love him so much so I want this thing to work. So I better nip this in the butt before it goes too far.

So I'm just sittting here chillaxin at Thomas' house. He is in the shower now, but when he gets out I'm gonna help him cover those hickies. Okay they wern't THAT bad, although some of them are very dark in color. He really should have told me to stop if it bothered him that much, but anyway this will be the first and hopefull the last time I ever put makeup on at guy. That's kinda weird. Not to mention I'm not 100% comfortable with it, but I'm the one who made this mess so I'm the one who needs to clean it up, or at least cover it up. lol. The only problem is you my skin is much lighter than his so idk how well of a job I will do.  but oh I think I hear him comming I g2g. much love all.

 So I wake up this morning and I have texts on my phone. I had turned my phone on silent while I was sneaking in and out of the house last night and apparently forgot to turn it back on anyways. I got two texts from Thomas "I need your makeup" "you left a mark the size of my fist" I sure hope he is exaggerating but considering the fact that he told his manager that his dad punched him in the neck and she bought it I'm not sure he is. If there is one thing I'm learning about this guy it's he bruises easily. I mean I am not some kind of powerful sucking vacume or something. It isn't like I am sucking the skin right off his neck, and wouldn't it hurt him if it was that bad?